Getting Railed On The Rails

Most, if not all, people who read this blog are probably aware that I have the self-proclaimed nickname "Nighttrain" My whole life I have always admired trains mostly because they always have a place to be and because they are historically important. Also, they are such powerful machines that are essential to daily life (Metra, the EL, freights) but most importantly when you are a kid you could chuck rocks at them without breaking anything or getting in trouble and yet you still felt like a BA Baracus.


You must be wondering why I am writing on trains, well, those stiffs in Europe have done it again. They decided to make a train for singles only. The wonderful stiff filled country of the Czech Republic, decided they wanted to entice its citizens ride the rails everyday instead of driving. So they decided to go after the most logical demographic, lonely, horned up, citizens of Prague. I think it would be pretty interesting if this happened on the Red Line, you would have a solid mixture of Frat boys named Chad wearing bright turquoise polos and a trucker hat that says "I Heart Beer" some homeless gents already passed out, a horrified mother who stepped onto the wrong car, a couple of nerds in suits hoping they will find the one, and probably some cat/bag ladies. The possibilities are obviously endless.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/22/prague-love-train_n_3320915.html?utm_hp_ref=weird-news&ir=Weird%20News

One thing I learned from taking the CTA and even taking a nap on the CTA once or six times is that Chicago is a pretty weird place. The Red Line is a weirder place at any time f the day.  I think the Singles Train would be great in places like Salt Lake where life is pretty lame, but in major cities, you are asking for a steamy Turkish Bathhouse with large windows that reaches speeds up to 50 mphs, and travels from 95th street to Howard. Great idea. Obviously Czechs really are stiffed up for this one... If ya know what I mean.



Since were on the topic of fucking around on public transportation, Wild Card of The Week goes to Mr. John, a bus driver who pranked some brats pretty hard on April Fools.

If you don't know this scene, we're not friends

In grade school long bus rides were the best way to annoyingly punish the teachers on the bus. A young Bill once sang 99 bottles of beer on the wall. I'm pretty sure the whole bus was annoyed, but every sang 99- about 89 then 10-0. With zero "bottles of beer on the wall" erupting the biggest applause ever. I've never realized how much punishment bus drivers take. Literally 70 kids screaming nonsense for an extended amount of time. Plus, you have your back to them so you have no idea what is going on. I guarantee that any bus driver in the 90's heard "NO YELLING ON THE BUS" or "This bus driver is an animal" hundreds of times, thanks to  Billy Madison.

But this fucking guy, pranked the brats who are too lazy to walk to school pretty hard. As a April Fools joke, one of my favorite days, he told the kids, on a Monday, that there was a flood and that school was going to be cancelled. After that, he said all they had to do was drive into school, check in and walk back to the bus... The bus went nuts, kids immediately started screaming. The underachievers were probably thinking it was a good idea not to do the weekends homework. A girl pulls out a smart phone to probably post a selfie on myspace.

A little later, the herd finds out that its just a hilarious and pretty cruel joke. The bus driver, Mr John. starts this devils laugh. You know this guy has been waiting for a year, if not, a life time, to get these kids back. Some little girl screams out "I hate you Mr. John!!!" His response, "I know" Genius. I wish the camera would show the ear to ear smile on his face, cause it would have been a hilarious cover
photo.

 Well anyways, here it is your Wild Card of the Week.  Mr John, from parts unknown.

http://www.digitalspy.com/odd/news/a483949/bus-driver-pranks-students-school-is-canceled-funny-video.html


Well thats it folks. Remember you kids, thumbs are up, never down.
USA

How the Cubs Ruined/Enhanced Sports On A Young Billy

Well Spring is here which means, Fourth of July, BBQ's, and sadly baseball in Chicago. The normal daily grind of waking up and finding out how the Cubs managed to lose the night before. Granted, I love the Cubs and going to Wrigley Field, but sadly, I am not a 8-16 year old kid who loved baseball more than anything in life. I remember listening to Cubs games during my Spanish class, probably why I still struggle in that language. But somewhere along the way, (2008) I decided I would never get excited about the Cubs. As Steve Goodman once said about the Cubs, "They stole my youth from me and thats the truth" Freshman year in college (when the Cubs were expected to go far in the post-season) I decided not to get my hopes up for the Cubs. Yet, I cannot help it.

This is not about the Cubs though, this is about what I learned/experienced from them. The Cubs are known for 'choking' or 'blowing it' but that taught me something about sports, its unpredictable and its wonderful. The Cubs taught me to appreciate sports. Here is a short list of what I never do, because of the Cubs

5. Never boo your own players.
4. Get to the game early
3. Get excited
2. Wear your colors with pride
1. Never leave a game early


What the Cubs really taught me is that it is awesome and terrible to be a part of something you have no control over. When the Cubs lost in '03 I was heart-broken and I couldn't stop crying, I was 13. When they bowed out in '08. I expected it, but couldn't accept it. Despite this, I have some magical memories of the Cubs and other sports because literally, anything can happen and thanks to the failures of the Cubs, every success is magnified by 1,000,000

Blackhawks v Calgary Flames- October 12th 2009
Blackhawks look pathetic and go down 5-0. Late in the first period and a few fans start to filter out..... Big mistake. Me and my friends obviously stuck it out for one of the greatest comebacks I have seen.

USA v Costa Rica March- World Cup Qualifier - March 22nd 2013

USA in a must win game during a blizzard. Unforgettable. Leading up to the game, I was openly wishing it would snow. Not only did it snow, it was in the middle of a blizzard that crippled the city the next day. Although it was wet, cold, and windy, it was one of the greatest experiences in my life. Thousands of fellow USA fans flocking to the parking lot hours before the game all united for one team. Not knowing if the USA was gonna succumb to another embarrassing defeat or rise to the occasion and win a vital game. See for yourself what happened.



For me, the Cubs taught me that sports is something beautiful. You cannot control the outcome no matter how badly you want to. Defeats make you appreciate victory. They have the ability to stop wars (World Cup 06) Fans support their team because they cannot get enough of the drug that is winning and being crowned a Champion. What I sadly learned from the Cubs that every little victory is worth something, since the Cubs rarely win, you gotta cherish the moments that make you feel like a winner. This can obviously be applied to life. If you find twenty dollars on the ground, spend it on some friends and enjoy the simple victory, little stuff like that makes the difference. The Cubs may never win in my life time, but that doesn't mean I can't go to any sporting game and throw as much passion out there as I possibly can and maybe, just maybe, the team will win and all the problems in the world melt away for a couple of hours. I realized that sporting events are the only place where you can have a laugh, scream, and cry without being looked up as crazy or be thrown in jail.

Thank you Chicago Cubs, but dammit, win a fucking World Series so Chicago can lose its mind for a few days.